Tuesday 26 May 2015

A new direction

I’ve not been posting as much lately.

Things have not been easy – both at home and work.

Home I can deal with – just. Penny is finishing uni at the end of this month and is not coping well with the thought of it finishing. Panic attacks, depression and anxiety. We can get through it together, helping her through this difficult time. She is accepting of help, so that is one big hurdle we have got over.

Work – I have not been coping with. My lovely manager retired just over a year ago. The new manager is nice, and we get on ok. There has been lots of change, but I am not averse to change for the good. She does delegate a lot of work to me, and I mean a LOT. My colleague has been off on long term sick since July last year and retired in March. I have been coping with all HR issues basically on my own since July. Penny has come in and helped out with some basic admin, but a lot has fallen on my shoulders, especially with the new manager delegating so much down to me.

Then we took on a new colleague to work with me. Only it hasn’t worked. She doesn’t want to do what my old colleague did. She wants to be in charge. She talks down to me at every opportunity and belittles me. It has got to the point where I haven’t been sleeping and dreading going into work on a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday when she is there.

We had a mediation session with our manager to try and work things out. It didn’t help. I ended up in tears. I won’t go into all the ins and outs, but after heartfelt discussions with Hugh (and with his 100% support) I decided to resign.

It wasn’t an easy decision, but at the same time I didn’t feel sad about it. I thought I would as I have worked here for 7 ½ years. However, I have been so unhappy recently that the thought of leaving is a release.

I am changing direction.

I am retraining as a medical secretary.

I am a trained secretary already – it is what I used to do. I just need to do a short course to transfer my skills into the medical field.

However, I will have no job from Friday 12th June. That is a scary prospect.

We can cope financially. But I hope it won’t be for long.

 I will do temporary work once I have completed the course with a view to getting a permanent position once I have some experience.

There is a whole new world out there. And it is exciting, exhilarating, something to look forward to, but scary!

But I feel happier now than I have in a long time. I didn’t realise how much I wasn’t enjoying my job anymore. And medical secretarial work? It is something I have been thinking about doing for a couple of years. And if I don’t do it now then I think I won’t ever do it and I may regret that.

What I don’t regret are the years I have spent in HR. They have taught me a lot and I have made many good friends here who I will miss. The best friends I will still see. And in fact, my old manager and my old colleague are taking me out to lunch on my last day which I am really looking forward to. We still meet up regularly and these are the people who mean the most to me.

And so I hope that life will settle back to something less stressful which will allow me to do more of what I want to do and not spend my weekends stressing about work. I find that scrapbooking does help me to relax, but some weekends I am just too uptight to do anything but the most basic household chores.

That is going to change. I am going to change. Not too drastically. I will still be Becky, but with improvements – I hope!

Anyway, if you have read all the way down to here well done! This journaling is something I needed to get written and I will probably do a layout and print this out to go with it.

So, in three weeks time a new chapter will start in my life and I am VERY excited!
I took this selfie at the weekend and everyone has been saying how relaxed and happy I look - hmm, I wonder why!


Jo said...

I think you've made the right decision and I wish you all the luck in the world. You look amazing in your picture, I can really notice your weight loss xx

KraftyKaren said...

Sometimes it is best to make a fresh start - I am sure you won't regret it. And have fun as a medical secretary - I did it for a while after I had to retire from nursing and I really, really enjoyed. I worked on the hospital bank so provided holiday cover, maternity leave etc etc. I got to work all over the place and work life was never dull

Karen said...

It was a brave decision, and I think you already know that it was the right decision. It's a great selfie, and a testament to the choice you made!

Sian said...

Well, all the very very best from all of us here! I can almost here the relief in your "voice" it feels great to be able to tell everyone what your plans are and what exciting plans they are too. A good medical secretary is a great asset to her employer. You'll rock it!

Very best to Penny too. I hope a wonderful, settling and anxiety-taking-away opportunity is just round the corner for her too

scrappyjacky said...

You sound so relieved that it really must be the right decision for you.
Good luck with your new future.

alexa said...

The fact that you are happy says it all - our bodies can generally be relied upon to tell us the truth :). Hoping for lots of nice new things for you, and new people to meet on your course. And Penny is very lucky to have such a supportive Mum and Dad; it seems only yesterday that she went!

Julia said...

Becki it is a brave and bold decision you have made and I hope it works out for you. I did a similar thing last year after only 18months in another role. It is not healthy to be unhappy at work - believe me I know. I've not looked back since starting the new job and hope the same will be said for you soon. Good luck on your new venture!

Deb @ PaperTurtle said...

Fantastic news, Becky! I felt sad when I read how much you dreaded going to work because someone was putting you down. No time for that! I know the change is a little scary, but that's how we grow. I have a feeling you will love your new adventure as a medical secretary. The training will make you more confident and sure that you've made the right decision. I'm wishing you the best of luck though I don't think you'll need it. :o) Yay! I'm happy and excited for you.

Louise H said...

You look amazing in that selfie - how brave and strong of you to make that decision. I am considering a move TO HR from teaching (like you i need some extra training) but as the main breadwinner i need a 'push' to make the move. I wish Penny well and am happy for you that you feel strong enough to deal with her anxiety. Once Uni has finished and she is facing the next step (and the cause of her worries) she will hopefully find it easier to deal with. I know that when i suffer from anxiety it is because i am worried about what is going to happen, when it has i find the anxiety goes because then i have something to deal with!

Alison said...

Good Luck with your new venture Becky....being unhappy at work is no joke .....hope Penny relaxes again soon too xx

Ruth said...

What an agonising decision you had to make, but well done on making it! And I'm pleased that you say you felt better after making it. I'll be thinking of both you and Penny over the next few weeks.

Susanne said...

Gosh I'm so sorry you've had these struggles. Good for you for taking control and making a change. Best of luck in your new adventure.

Melissa said...

Oh Becky, I'm so glad you are feeling relaxed about this change. It sounds like it was definitely time. And how FUN and exciting to change direction - cheering you on from Texas!!

Missus Wookie said...

So glad that you were able to make that decision, good luck with the retraining. I've enjoyed myself after finding my new direction last year.

Miriam said...

Oh! just a little time in 'retirement' I feel for you. I made myself terribly il and unhappy at work. I was fortunate enough to be able to retire. I wish you good luck and well done for making the decision & changing direction. Lovely selfie.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad about what was going on and how you were feeling - you don't need that! So happy though that you have found something that you've been wondering about doing for a few years. All the best in the future my friend.